How to Sit With Uncomfortable Feelings and Process Emotions

We all want to avoid discomfort. Our modern lives allow us to do that much of the time, which can be wonderful. However, sitting with uncomfortable feelings - such as sadness, anxiety, or fear - can be a powerful practice and is one of the hallmarks of mindfulness meditation.

When I took my mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) training, each week we were assigned a new meditation to practice daily. In week two, we were tasked to find something precious and beautiful each day, which I loved. But on week three, we were asked to sit with something uncomfortable daily. I rebelled, thinking that positivity would be more productive, but when a negative emotion arose at work one day, I decided to try it. I closed my door and sat with the feeling and accompanying thoughts. The outcome was remarkable. 

I felt the sensation and watched the internal judging I was doing. "I shouldn't be reacting this way," I kept thinking. But the closer I watched and acknowledged how I truly felt without trying to change it, the tension in my body began to relax, and my irritation subsided. Rather than trying to distract myself as I ordinarily would have, I was able to practice mindfulness by sitting with discomfort.  

Sitting with our discomfort helps us acknowledge the impact of our emotions in our daily lives. Without acknowledgment, they run rampant. And with attention, we can explore them and let them go. 

Understanding How to Sit with Uncomfortable Feelings

As humans, uncomfortable feelings are inevitable. They occur multiple times daily, and the more mindful attention we pay to ourselves and our lives, the more we'll recognize them. Small actions and reactions are always occurring as we live our lives. Anything from tasting something in your lunch that went bad to getting into a fight with a partner can be uncomfortable and cause an emotional and physical reaction.

One of the first ways to begin a practice of sitting mindfully with the uncomfortable is to notice the physical sensations specifically. We all have physiological "tells," meaning if we are angry, for some, there will be pain or tightness in the chest; whereas, for others, there will be clenching of the fists or a desire ot pace. The next time you are in an uncomfortable mental space, notice what is happening in your body. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

1. What do I feel in my stomach?
2. What do I feel in my chest?
3. What do I feel in my shoulders and hands?
4. Is my breath shallow or deep?
5. Is my face relaxed or tight?
6. What else do I notice?
7. How would I classify this feeling right now?

After asking yourself these questions, observe any tension and aches or sensations attached to the feeling. Sometimes, paying attention to physiological responses will make them fade or go away completely. The key is to observe them totally and with acceptance.

Practice Sitting With Your Feelings 

Like anything, sitting with our feelings and emotions with mindfulness takes practice. But the practice is worth it to avoid the consequences of suppressing feelings. Below are a few ways to work with your mind-body connection when emotions feel overwhelming or painful. These are practical exercises and techniques to cultivate a practice that will become more automatic with time.

Strategy 1: Explore Emotional Awareness with Mindfulness Meditation

According to the National Library of Medicine, emotional awareness is "the ability to conceptualize and describe one’s own emotions and those of others." By learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings, we're better able to identify when others are feeling sadness or anxiety, which allows us to build empathy. You may build emotional awareness through self-exploration and mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness meditation is a practice of observing yourself with compassion, presence, and acceptance.

Begin by observing what you are feeling right now. Allow any distraction to occur and ask yourself what is happening. Notice your bodily sensations, your thoughts, and your comfort or discomfort. Notice it all without trying to feel better or different. This observation of self helps you build awareness and is the foundation of mindfulness. There are many mindfulness-building exercises you can experiment with, and a guided meditation might be a good place to start.

Strategy 2: Journaling

When you are feeling emotional pain, journaling is a wonderful outlet. The simple act of writing down what we think allows us emotional distance and perspective. With this perspective, we can better process emotions. If you are starting or returning to a journaling practice, I recommend starting small to improve your chances of sticking with it. Aim to write a page a day, either first thing in the morning or the evening. Building journaling into your routine can change how you process the day and clear unwanted emotions like anger and sadness simply by giving them an outlet.

Strategy 3: Therapy and Counseling

Keep in mind that sometimes the best place to begin is by seeking a therapist who can help you to process your feelings, especially if you have felt sad or angry for an extended period. A trained professional can help you when processing emotions by acting as a guide through various exercises and techniques to learn adaptive behaviors. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be an excellent place to learn hard and fast techniques for managing emotions. When trying to find the right therapist and treatment for you, I recommend jotting down any symptoms and emotions that come up regularly. See if you can pinpoint when they come up, so that when you can meet with a therapist, you will remember painful emotions and how they impact you more accurately. 

Remember to be compassionate with yourself as you practice sitting with difficult feelings. You will find that with practice, there is relief found when we become aware of our patterns. While it may sound more tempting to run or hide from negative feelings, numbing does not work in the long run, and seeking ways of exploring our own emotions is a healthy way to move beyond them.

Other resources:

• Try the STOP mindfulness meditation technique.
• Read more about mindful journaling practices.
• Redirect anger and frustration with meditation.
• Find emotional calibration and meditation exercises here.
• Read more about emotional intelligence here.