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Dreams shattered ... self-esteem tattered. Is there hope when these are the descriptors of your character?
Everyone, no matter how confident they may seem, deals with self-doubt at one time or another. I traversed the path of insecurity for years, but that chapter is behind me, and I'm not looking back. My life's purpose now is to guide all those willing into a new season of worthiness, self-compassion, and confidence.
Are you willing to be guided? Good on you. Let's get started.
Insecurity is an Invitation for Inner Growth
When you feel insecure, life isn't enjoyable. Negative self-talk and comparison are indeed the robbers of peace, and observing others can have you thinking everyone else has it all together.
Did you know that these negative emotions are really a call to action? Feelings of insecurity are a signal from your inner self asking for attention and healing.
Dr. Joe Dispenza brilliantly explains the deep connection between the mind, body, and consciousness. Our thoughts and emotions serve as signals from within, alerting us when something isn't aligned or healthy in our lives. According to Dispenza, emotions—whether positive or negative—are powerful indicators of our internal state and are often tied to past experiences. When we have negative thoughts, they act as messages, pointing us toward areas in our life that need addressing.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha
Mindfulness Exercise
Instead of pushing your feelings of insecurity away, it can be really useful to gently explore the source of self-doubt and low confidence. A simple mindfulness exercise will allow you to sit with your insecurities and observe them without judgment, allowing space for insight. Imagine how you would sit in silence next to a close friend who needed to talk about their innermost feelings of fear, anxiety, and low self-worth.
Being here in this now moment, without judgment, is the secret sauce to living a life you likely thought impossible. Don't underestimate the power of mindfulness, and keep doing it until it becomes effortless. You can master it.
1. Find a Quiet Space
- Sit or lie down in a comfortable position where you won’t be disturbed. This could be anywhere—your home, a park, or a quiet room.
2. Focus on Your Breath
- Start by taking deep, slow breaths. Breathe in through your nose, feeling your abdomen rise, and exhale through your mouth, feeling your abdomen fall. Let your breath anchor you to the present moment.
- Tip: If your mind wanders (and it will), gently guide your attention back to your breath without judgment.
3. Body Scan
- Shift your focus to your body. Begin at the top of your head and mentally scan down, paying attention to any areas of tension or discomfort. Notice these sensations without trying to change them, simply acknowledging their presence.
- Tip: As you breathe, imagine sending relaxation to tense areas, allowing them to soften with each exhale.
4. Engage Your Senses
- Bring your awareness to your surroundings. Notice sounds, smells, and the sensation of your body against the floor or chair. Take a moment to immerse in the sensory details of the present moment.
- Tip: Don’t label or judge what you notice. Just observe.
5. Let Go of Thoughts
- As thoughts arise, observe them like clouds floating by. You don’t need to engage with or suppress them. Let them come and go, focusing on returning your attention to your breath or body when you notice you’ve been distracted.
- Tip: Use a gentle mantra like "let go" or "here and now" if your mind is especially busy.
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6. End with Gratitude
- After a few minutes, bring your awareness back to your breath and body. Take a moment to express gratitude—for this moment, for your body, or simply for the time you gave yourself to practice mindfulness.
- Tip: Slowly open your eyes and re-enter your day with a refreshed perspective.
Regular mindfulness helps calm the mind, increase self-awareness, and reduce stress. Practicing for even just five to ten minutes a day can have a big impact on your emotional and physical well-being.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk with Compassion
Another critical tool on the road to building confidence is to become aware of and replace self-critical thoughts and perfectionism. Since insecurities are often fueled by negative self-talk and internalized criticism, it's pertinent to practice self-compassion by noticing your inner dialogue. When negative chatter is transmitted, stop and gently redirect those harsh thoughts.
How exactly do you do this when thoughts about your flaws seem automatic and intrusive, like a runaway train? I've found reframing negative thoughts to be very effective. Here's some examples of it in use.
Negative Self-Talk vs. Reframing Alternatives
- Negative Self-Talk: “I’m not good enough.”
Reframe: “I am doing my best, and that's enough.” - Negative Self-Talk: “I always mess things up.”
Reframe: “Mistakes are part of learning, and I am improving every day.” - Negative Self-Talk: “I’ll never be as successful as others.”
Reframe: “Everyone’s journey is unique; my success will come in my own time.” - Negative Self-Talk: “I can’t handle this.”
Reframe: “I’ve faced challenges before, and I can take this one step at a time.” - Negative Self-Talk: “I’m a failure.”
Reframe: “Failure is a step toward growth; I can learn from this experience.”
You can challenge your negative dialogue by coming up with statements that work best for you. Keep at it, and be as consistent as you can. Consistency is key, and this exercise actually wires new neural pathways that boost your self-confidence day after day.
Focus on Strengths Instead of Comparisons
Drawing conclusions from observing our friends, family and social media is one of the top ways our minds generate data that sabotages our self-worth. The tendency to compare ourselves to others is a common source of insecurity. When this happens, we can shift the focus to our unique strengths and abilities. Remember, you have your own trail to blaze!
I recall someone giving an example once that made me chuckle, but it was imbued with great wisdom. They said, "If I told everyone to come down to the stage and lay one problem down to be eliminated, you'd be overjoyed until I told you it required you to pick up someone else's problem and take it back with you." Sometimes it takes having a huge "No thank you!" moment regarding another person's issues for us to appreciate the ones that belong to us.
We all have unique qualities, abilities, and accomplishments. You're unique, so anything you do is not quite like anyone else. It's time to celebrate what you bring to life as you do what brings you joy, pride, and success. Take a moment to answer the following questions.
- What are your strengths?
- What are some of your recent moments of personal growth?
This isn't the moment for modesty; it's about boosting your confidence with facts. Make a list and decide how you'll honor it. Treat yourself to a massage, a meal at your favorite eatery, or your favorite source of entertainment. The goal here is to establish a habit of honoring what you bring into the world with your special twist. Guess what? You deserve it.
Practice Vulnerability and Reach Out for Support
It can take some effort, but the benefits of embracing vulnerability and seeking out support can be exponential. Let me break this down for you.
Insecurity often thrives in isolation. When we keep feelings of insecurity to ourselves, it's like a breeding ground that exacerbates what we were feeling in the first place. Shame is often at the heart of our low self-esteem, anxiety, insecurity and inclination to isolate.
“If you put shame in a petri dish and cover it with judgment, silence, and secrecy, you’ve created the perfect environment for shame to grow until it makes its way into every corner and crevice of your life. If, on the other hand, you put shame in a petri dish and douse it with empathy, shame loses its power and begins to wither. Empathy creates a hostile environment for shame—an environment it can’t survive in, because shame needs you to believe you’re alone and it’s just you.” - Brené Brown
So, how does empathy come into play? There's one path to empathy: Sharing your struggles with others. Some of the heavy lifting has already been done. You've got a huge network of caring, dedicated professionals here on Aura Health. In addition to that, you can reach out to friends and family members with whom you can create a safe space for these conversations.
I would be remiss if I didn't take a moment to talk a little more about vulnerability. Contrary to how many of us have been conditioned to think, vulnerability, rather than a weakness, is a sign of strength and courage. Being willing to take risks and show your true self builds emotional resilience, because you're no longer held back by fear. You actually become more comfortable with discomfort, which leads to unimaginable personal growth.
I've got a personal share that might raise your eyebrows, but check it out anyway. I call my tears "power juice." When I'm vulnerable enough to let tears roll down my face, be it from joy, hurt or otherwise, it's coming from my heart. Your heart is a source of personal power; a repository of authentic, never-ending opportunities for connection, community, and humanity.
I feel myself powering up as I express this to you!
Cultivate Daily Practices for Building Self-Worth
Here are some simple, actionable practices that you can implement daily to build confidence and self-worth.
- Practice gratitude. Write down at least three things you're grateful for every day. Gratitude helps shift the focus from lack to abundance and the good that's already in your life, which allows you to value yourself more.
- Engage in a self-care routine. What feels good and recharges you? It may be a salt bath, a walk in nature, or a customized yoga routine. Making it a regular occurrence is the key to nurturing and honoring yourself.
- Dedicate time to hobbies and interests. Similar to self-care, engaging in activities that light you up are an important element in your journey to cultivating a loving relationship with the VIP: you.
All of these practices can boost your confidence, create high self-esteem and lessen insecurity over time. Keep practicing gratitude, implementing self-care and doing what you love so that they become habits that kickoff like clockwork.
Insecurity as a Path to Growth
While insecurity may feel overwhelming at times, it really is an opportunity for transformation. Having the courage to lean in and face what makes you feel powerless could be the most rewarding endeavor you'll ever undertake. Finding your power and staying centered in it...well, I won't spoil the ending.
Imagine yourself finally ready to embrace the journey of self-discovery, knowing that you're not alone. Picture yourself in the scenario of your choosing with an upright posture, your eyes beaming with high levels of self-worth and passion. I can personally attest that dedicated inner work leads to deep, lasting growth.
Be courageous today. Reach out to a therapist for a discovery call. Contact a friend or family member and tell them you need to talk. Listen to tracks that focus on overcoming self-doubt, insecurity, and ones that remind you it's possible to transform them into strengths. I have a track titled, "You Really Are Okay" that may interest you.
What if you were never insecure but were simply unfamiliar with your true power? It's time to transcend who you thought you were. It's time to RSVP to those inner invitations with renewed determination and discover how powerful you are.
It has been my honor to guide you. Welcome to your new season.
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